Loving Abroad #4: A Date with a Romanian Girl

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgCatE600z8]
Romania is famous for being the birthplace of Dracula, but they are also famous for having gorgeous women. I was lucky enough to have one of these lovely ladies join me on my next adventure on Loving Abroad.
Preda Laura, a beautiful Romanian woman, had a lot to comment about her experiences with Romanian and Korean culture.

[caption id="attachment_2282" align="aligncenter" width="379"] Pictured: Romanian girls[/caption]

Korean men aren't really conservative
I watched Korean dramas and I saw so many handsome Korean men treating women very graciously and politely. They would never touch a girl without her consent and even if they did, it would just be the wrist.

[caption id="attachment_2283" align="aligncenter" width="371"] What foreign women think Korean men look like (thanks to Korean drama and K-pop).[/caption]

However, when I went on a few blind dates with Korean men, I had a different experience than what I expected. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a foreigner, but they were very touchy. One of them tried to put his arm around me – on the very first date. The other one tried to hold my hand, and I had only met him for the first time.
I’m not sure if all Korean men are like that or they think that foreign women are easier, but I was a little disappointed to find out that all Korean men aren't like the characters I saw in Korean dramas.

[caption id="attachment_2281" align="aligncenter" width="402"] What Korean men actually look like... You disappointed?[/caption]

Dating differences in Romania and Korea
Korean women are often whiny and complain a lot when they want something from their boyfriends. That would never happen in Romania. If that did happen in Romania, the guy would throw the girl out the door, and there will be 100 more girls waiting for him.

[caption id="attachment_2279" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The door[/caption]

It seems like Korean women are more demanding and aggressive in the relationship. In Romania, men are often the more aggressive ones. Romanian women would only be really aggressive to other Romanian women because they are always competing against each other.
The reason is because there are more women than men, and there are only a handful of handsome men. That’s also why the women are so competitive with each other. It’s to the point that the girls always dress themselves up and wear makeup all the time. They would never go out without getting all dressed up.
I like to dress comfortably when I go out somewhere close or go grocery shopping, but if I do, other girls will make fun of me.

What are some differences between men in Korea and Romania?
In Korea, there are many different types of men. There are those who are cute, those who are macho, and there are those that are just a mix of different styles. But in Romania, there is only one: the tough masculine type.

[caption id="attachment_2278" align="aligncenter" width="362"] Tough as a brick[/caption]

Even if a man is really thin, studious, or just plain nerdy, they try to act like something they are not. There’s so much pressure for men to be tough and cool, so it’s ridiculous to see men try to be something they are not.

What do Romanians think of Koreans?
Actually, no one really knows about Koreans. The only thing they might understand about Korea is Psy’s Gangnam Style, and even then, some people think that it’s Chinese. Romanians generally don’t go after Asians, and when it comes to Asians, most people think of rice, chopsticks, and slanted eyes. There are even jokes about Asians and their eyes.

[caption id="attachment_2280" align="aligncenter" width="395"] Psy - The epitome of Korean culture[/caption]

Living in Korea, it’s hard to think that Korea isn’t at the center of the universe, or to believe that there are countries out there that don’t know much about Korea. The world is full of many cultures that have yet to be explored and learned. Don’t take for granted that people will automatically know about your culture. After all, how much do you know about culture foreign to your own?
Open yourself up to new cultures and be receptive of other cultures. Learning culture gives you power to perhaps even date people from different parts of the world. I hear the women in Romania are quite beautiful. I know where I’m going when I travel Europe (someday). Do you?

Preda Laura is a 34-year-old babysitter who likes art and Korean culture. She has been in Korea for a year and thinks of the country as her new adopted home. 

You can also listen to the entire date on soundcloud at Loving Abroad #4 Audio

Loving Abroad #3: A Black American in Korea

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3Qnrzd4Lg8]
This is my third date. In this episode, I meet an African American living in Korea. On my previous two blind dates, I had met with non-native English speakers. However, with this blind date, I was able to communicate in English, making it easier to talk with one another. There aren’t many black Americans in Korea, and there are a lot of stereotypes against them in Korean culture. Let’s take a look at some of them and see what it was like for Jaye to live in Korea as a black American.

What are some stereotypes you faced as a black American woman in Korea – socially and professionally?

Jaye: “Professionally, people at work think of me as an athlete because they automatically assume I will be good at sports because I’m black. Some parents are afraid their children might learn bad things from black teachers, but I personally haven’t experienced that. In fact, the parents of my students believe their children can learn a lot from me through my teaching methods.
Socially, people always think I’m angry all the time, and it’s mainly due to movies I think. I don’t know what movies they’re watching, but they just think I’m mad which is why they are scared of black people.
When people talk to me, they automatically go into hip hop mode. They think because I’m black, I’m into only hip hop and try to speak to me like I was from a rap video.
Not many people bother me, but they, especially the ajumas, stare a lot and even try to touch my braids or touch my skin.”

[caption id="attachment_2232" align="aligncenter" width="412"] Blackface is still common in Korea. Mainstream medias still portray blackface for entertainment.[/caption]

PDA (Public Display of Affection) – How does it differ in Korea and America?

Jaye: "Korean couples are very lovey-dovey and personal. Also, they can be annoying on public transportations like the subway. I was trying to get through the door, but they were blocking the door and I just have to push through them. Sometimes on the street, they’re holding hands and just kind of creating traffic for the other pedestrians.
American couples are more carefree and they’re very playful. They’ll just flirt a lot."

[caption id="attachment_2235" align="aligncenter" width="409"] Korean couples often wear matching shirts or sometimes entire outfits to show their affection to the entire world.[/caption]

What would you expect from dating a Korean guy compared to an American guy?

Jaye: "I have no expectations of dating a Korean guy. They won’t want to date a black female because of disapproval from parents and the norms in Korean society. But if they were to approach me, I expect he will try to be assertive and play out an image of being hip hop.
For American guys I would expect they would automatically expect me to accept their proposal because there are so few black people in Korea."

[caption id="attachment_2234" align="aligncenter" width="241"] G-Dragon is one of the most popular Korean male figures.[/caption]

How open would your family be to interracial marriage?

Jaye: "They would be very open to it. They are totally cool with that. They already knew that I was an open-minded person so they would really expect it. They wouldn't mind at all. Race doesn't matter at all. Even in America I would date men other than my ethnicity, and they've grown accustomed to my dating preferences."


How well do you think other black Americans would adjust to life in Korea?

Jaye: "They would adjust very well. The cultures may be a little different, but black people, like Koreans, are raised to respect their elders. However, don’t expect Koreans to jump into a relationship with you. It’s easier for black males to pick up Korean women, but it’s not as easy for the black females to date a Korean guy."


[caption id="attachment_2233" align="aligncenter" width="449"] Night life in Gangnam[/caption]

 

Being a foreigner in a different country can be difficult, especially if the people of that country have little knowledge of the foreigner’s cultural background.
It’s important to know the culture of the nation you’re visiting, but it’s also important for that country to be accommodating of your culture as well. Learning culture is neither unilateral nor bilateral. It is multilateral, and the more you learn, the wider your perceptions of life.
The next time you see someone foreign to your country; don’t simply rely on the rumors of others. Instead, open a line of communication and maybe you’ll learn a thing or two about a culture you have never had the chance of knowing before.

Jaye Wyn is an English teacher who has lived in Korea for four years. She enjoys not only hip hop but also Korean music. She also enjoys traveling throughout Korea in her free time.

 

Loving Abroad #2: Overcoming the Language Barrier

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Gp8euVvINw]

I ventured onto another blind date with another woman from China. And once more, the date was held on Google Hangouts on Air. For those that haven’t seen our first show (Loving Abroad #1: Korean American guy meets a Chinese girl), the objective of our show is to explore the diversity of cultural dating (and perhaps to find myself a soul-mate?).
For this show, we decided to speak in our native languages. I spoke English and she spoke Chinese throughout the date, and we barely understood each other. Watch us try to overcome language barriers with drawings and hand gestures.

Verbal Communication
I spoke English and half the time she understood what I was trying to say. However, during the other half, I had to resort to hand gestures and drawings to get my point across. As you can probably guess, I understood nothing when she spoke Chinese. The only two words that I understood were: bu and sheur (no and yes).
I had difficulty trying to get my point across with words alone. Though we eventually understood what the other was trying to say, it took a lot of time.
COMMUNICATION: 50%


[caption id="attachment_2195" align="aligncenter" width="429"] Not sure if she's smiling because she understood me or if she's just feigning it.[/caption]




Gestures
Everything I said was accompanied with my hands. I felt like I was trying to communicate with the students at my 학원; hagwon; cram school.
My hands waved around the screen pointing at her, me, and some imaginary people. I can’t tell whether or not she understood all of my gestures, but accompanied with my quizzical facial expressions, she seemed to comprehend the nature of my questions.
Mengshen didn’t use many gestures, and this may be due to cultural differences.
In America, many people use their hands to express their words and meaning across, but in Korea or China, not many people make hand gestures.
COMMUNICATION: 35%

[caption id="attachment_2190" align="aligncenter" width="439"] Thumbs up: universal gesture for "good"[/caption]

Visuals
When nothing else worked, we both used pictures to get our messages across.
This worked surprisingly well. When she was trying to tell me what she thought of Korean men, she drew a handsome looking character. At which point I thought she believed all Korean men to be as dashingly good-looking as me. However, upon further interrogation, she drew for me a chart.
For some odd reason, she thought I didn’t belong to the 75 percentile range, where the Korean men are handsome. Instead, she thought I was “okay.”
Despite the differences in our opinions about my physical appearance, we communicated well through visual mediums.
COMMUNICATION: 90%


[caption id="attachment_2184" align="aligncenter" width="441"] Visual mediums: helpful in showing where I stand among men[/caption]




Despite the language barrier, Mengshen and I had a good time on our online date. Regardless of language, culture, or nationality, it’s important to try to communicate with people around the world.
Don’t give yourself excuses like, “Oh, we don’t speak the same language.”
If you try, the other recipient will eventually understand your thoughts and messages. Let’s get out there and communicate with one another. After all, in this day and age, communication is key when it comes to understanding those around us – near or far.

Menghen Hu is a 21-year-old Chinese national from the Anhui Province. She is in Korea studying film at Konkuk University, hoping to be a successful actress someday.

Loving Abroad #1: Korean American guy meets a Chinese girl

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWi9u-Q6IdU]

I went on an online blind date with a Chinese woman. Why over the internet you ask? The point of the blind date is not about simply meeting new women. It’s about meeting new women – from around the world.
The show is to learn about the dating differences from other cultures. We welcome you to the first show (as embedded above). For those that don’t have time to sit through the entire date (which was held through Google Hangouts on Air), here are some of the things I learned about dating in the Chinese culture. And now, without further ado, we present to you the blind date between Isaac Kim (Korean-American) and Qu Zhuo Lei (Chinese).

At what age do women begin dating?

China
According to Zhuo Lei, aka Xiya, most Chinese girls become independent of their household at around 18. That’s when they head off to college and learn to live on their own. Their newfound freedom gives them to chance to explore the world and experience new trials, including dating.
The majority of Chinese society frowns upon its underage youths dating one another. But once they become of age, they have nothing to hold them back from finding love.

Korea
There is no strict age when it comes to dating in Korea. I see kids in primary school going on dates with their boyfriends or girlfriends while some people in their 20s have never been on a single date their entire lives. However, although Korea society doesn’t necessarily look down upon minors dating, women (that are yet unmarried) are subject to living under their parents’ supervision until they tie the knot.

Are men expected to pick up / drop off their dates on the first date?

China
Never. That’s the quick answer.
Usually, a man picks up their dates from their parents’ house if the girl wants to introduce him to her family. By introducing him to her parents, the intended meaning is “we are getting married.” So be careful if your Chinese girlfriend ever wants you to meet her parents. You may think it’s just a quick meet and greet, but for her, it means marriage.

Korea
Once again, never.
In Korean society, it’s quite rare to see men pick up their dates. The two of them decided upon a location to meet at an appointed time. For couples that have been in a relationship for a long time, you can sometimes see men dropping off their significant other, but most of the time, girls find their own way back home after an evening of romance.

What do women look for in men?

To answer this question, many things have to be considered. There are those that are after money, those that care about appearances and height, and those that look for a man who will truly and deeply care about them. These are universal truths for both men and women, regardless of culture.

China
As mentioned above, some Chinese women look for men that are tall or good-looking. It all depends on the individual woman. In some cases, men (rich men) would pour everything they had to capture the heart of an especially beautiful girl. In other cases, two people would meet and have an enduring relationship based on the feelings they had for each other. Like most cultures, it’s really hard to pinpoint exactly what women want.

Korea
A lot of Korean women (as well as their male counterparts) have really high standards when they look for a partner. The most common among those high standards is height. Now I’m not saying all Korean women are interested in height, but most would add that trait to their list. But once again, it really depends on who you’re trying to woo.

And finally…

How long before sex?

China
This can be anywhere between the first few dates to a year. However, not many Chinese women tend to give their mind and body to a man they won’t see again after sex. Women want to know their man before they can be comfortable enough to lay with him. If a girl sleeps with a guy too quickly, others will judge her to be weak. Thus, they try to be careful about engaging in sexual activity.

Korea
Similar to China, Korean women won’t easily get into bed with a man. Sure, there are the occasional hook-ups and one-night stands, but when it comes to relationships, the sex part may take longer. Korean society (usually the older generation) often negatively portrays women if they have sexual intercourse before marriage. Many Korean men want their future wives to be virgins, wanting to be the first to bed their wives. With such a mindset among much of Korean society, it’s hard for women to indulge and divulge their sexual relationships with others.
For the better part of an hour, I learned much about the dating culture and customs in China. However, that doesn’t make me an expert on the subject of dating in China. It was a great way for me to look into the Chinese culture. And please don’t expect everything in my article to be 100 percent accurate because dating customs may be different in different parts of China. But do please take a look at the similarities and differences that you may find. And now that you have learned (or so I hope) something about the Chinese dating culture, you have more resources to find yourself a romantic partner in a different part of the world!

Qu Zhuo Lei (Xiya) is a 29-year-old Chinese expat living in Korea. She is receiving her Masters Degree in Special Effects in Film at Chungang University. Her interests include hip-hop, CG, and her cat, 흑백; Heukbaek; Black and White.